LSD Experiment #2: Guzzling Coconut Oil

06. December 2015
LSD Experiment #2: Guzzling Coconut Oil

I’d like to take a minute to remind you clowns of the motivation behind my choice of experimental topics. Kindly recall that I’m interested in carrying out tests that are cheap and quick.

“By those criteria, my ex-wife is a leading topic for a future experiment.”

That’s neither true nor appropriate. I’ve never been married and I respect woman. Moving on, you animals.

I’d also like to mention that I’m much more interested in my own response to the experiment than I am in published results and media opinion on how one ought to respond. That is to say, if it’s work for me, but doesn’t for 99% of people, sucks to suck for those losers.

For that very reason, I’m a bit frustrated and discouraged from the results of LSD Experiment #1. As I discussed in my last post, I didn’t notice any significant changes in the quality of my life after 30+ days of meditating, yet I continue to be an advocate of meditation. If it seems like I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth, it’s because I am. The point I’m trying to get across is that although I’m much more interested in how the experiment affects my personal quality of life, I’m not egocentric enough to ignore scientific facts that support the benefit of something simply because I haven’t enjoyed those same benefits.


For LSD Experiment #2, I’m going to consume a tablespoon of coconut oil as part of my breakfast. I think it will serve as a nice compliment to the bone marrow and foie gras that currently comprise my morning meal.

Breakfast of champions. Wealthy, wealthy champions.

For most of the last half century, dietitians and nutritionists discouraged the public from consuming coconut oil due to its high saturated fat content. In the last five years, as our knowledge of saturated fats have increased (namely being able to identify between good and bad saturated fats), there has been some documented support about the consumption of coconut oil from medical professionals. Some documented support. There is an equal or greater amount of documented opposition to consuming coconut oil.

Enter Markie.

I find this often-debated topic as particularly interesting to experiment on. On one side, consuming coconut oil has become a trendy dietary staple. Trendy is good. Trendy is sexy. I want to be good and sexy. I’ll just support the trendy thing. Dammit, Mark, be strong – let the results decide for you. Fair enough.

While consuming coconut oil has gotten the support from countless online health publications and the Wizard of Dr. Oz, it still hasn’t been endorsed from the big dogs. I’m talking about WebMD and Mayo Clinic. And who am I to disagree with Mayo Clinic. I’d sooner disagree with God. Or Bruce Wayne.

So instead of taking sides or focusing on what science says should happen, I’m simply going to carry out this experiment and let the results speak for themselves.

My Expectations

If you google “benefits of coconut oil” the search engine giant will return results including but absolutely not limited to: weight loss, lower cholesterol, hair growth, heart disease prevention, boosts  immune system, digestion/metabolism improvement, etc. Any illness, ailment, or weakness of the body, spirit, or mind can be cured by coconut oil according to those who support it. While all of those proposed benefits sound just marvelous, I’m going to focus LSD Experiment #2 on weight loss.

Here’s the thing. I’m not overweight. My doctor tells me that I’m healthy, and I feel fairly in-shape. Overall, I’m not actively trying to lose weight. However, I consume a shit ton of calories. I really like eating and have no plans of eating less in the near future. I try to eat somewhat healthy, but I don’t follow a strict diet. So, I need to have an extremely active lifestyle to maintain my current weight. I often feel that my workouts and food/drink consumption cancel each other out perfectly. So while working out might make me stronger or improve my cardiovascular endurance, the way my body looks stays about the same. And what the hell good is working out if I don’t have anything to show for it. Beautiful girls can’t tell if I have good lung capacity, or an impressive resting heart rate, or low blood pressure. You know what they can tell? If I have 20 inch arms. Or an eight pack. Or lats that can be mistaken for wings. You get the picture. And if you don’t – here’s this.


I’m hoping that by taking a tablespoon of coconut oil in the morning, I will feel full for a longer period of time. This will lower the amount of calories that I take in daily, which will allow my workouts to have a net positive affect. Let me be clear. I think counting calories is silly. The person who consumes 4000 calories per day but only eats lean meat is almost certainly healthier than the individual who consumes 500 calories per day but only eats doughnuts. Calories only tell part of the story. It’s my hope that coconut oil replaces some of the unhealthy calories I currently consume.

Measuring the Results

I’ll keep this brief. I’m going to measure the results of this experiment three ways:

  1. Weigh myself regularly (4-5 times a week)
  2. Monitor body fat percentage throughout the experiment
  3. Mirror pics (for my eyes only – contrary to what the photo above let’s on, I’m actually quite shy)

Here goes nothin’!


2 thoughts on “LSD Experiment #2: Guzzling Coconut Oil”

  • 1
    Dan Hoelting on December 6, 2015 Reply

    Unless you plan on taking the coconut oil every morning for the rest of your life, it might be interesting to count calories (I suggest My Fitness Pal) both during and after the conclusion of the experiment to see if (and how much) your average caloric intake differs due to the coconut oil.

    • 2
      Markie on December 7, 2015 Reply

      Thanks for the suggestion, Dan! I agree this could be interesting to track. I’ll give your fitness pal a shot.

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